Midnight Wings
by Your-Guilty-Pleasure
Summary: Blair leaves at Midnight without saying goodbye to anyone...but whats making her run and who will be willing to chase her? More importantly, whats she got that could change life forever?
1. Attend my funeral

_**I know I'm supposed to be working on "Don't forget to remember me" but this hit me out of no where and it needed to be typed and put up. Read on if you wish.**_

* * *

_What could __hurt__ a teenager so much that she __loses__ all her __**faith in everything**__? What could __take away__ all __**her happiness and love**__? What could __make her stop __**laughing**__? What could __cut her so deep__ that she couldn't even __**stand to look at herself**__? What could __make her give up __on __**life**__?_

_Was it that she __wasn't __**pretty enough**__? __Didn't__ wear the __**right shoes**__? Or that she __didn't__**weigh the least**__? Could it be that she made a __mistake__ and __**no one let it go**__? The __judgmental eyes __the would __**follow her every step**__? She could __never__ make the __**perfect grade**__? If the __only praise she got __was the praise __**she gave herself**__…__trying to make it hurt less__ that her parents __**didn't really notice**__?_

_Could it __have been __**a person**__? __Saying__ something __**that cut her too deep**__? A person __that did something __to __**break her will**__? Or maybe __someone didn't__ love her enough to stop and __**say they cared**__?_

Blair blinked sleepily out her window at the quiet town below her plane. Soon she would be landing there. Starting a new life there. Living there as if she was a new born with no past to be tied too. No one knew the mistakes she had made or the hell she had gone through. Here she wouldn't have to worry about someone watching her every move. Waiting for her to slip up---again. She didn't have to think about everything she had lost. These people couldn't tell her from Eve. This was her new chance at starting over.

College was supposed to be that. Yale was supposed to be her new life. When she went there she was supposed to be the _new_ Blair. But she never got her chance to go there.

No.

Nothing had gone the way it was supposed to. Her future had been ruined, partly at her hand. She might have even gotten into NYU had she not screwed up even more.

Moving here to a place where no one knew where she was seemed to be her only option. She hadn't even taken a credit card that someone might be able to trace her by. She had just enough money to get her going, buy a place, stock up on food, keep the electricity on, but her money wasn't going to last long. She was going to have to find a job. Maybe she would get lucky and find something in architecture design.

Memories flooded into her mind of the last attempt she had made to run away. Serena had caught her in the knick of time and told her that it wasn't worth it. That she _was_ Blair Waldorf.

Serena wasn't there to convince her this time though. She had managed to get most of her things packed while her mother and Cyrus were gone for a week and Dorota said she would be gone for the day. So at midnight she was packed, she had the bellhop take her bags, which would mean she wouldn't have to buy anymore clothes thank heavens, and load them into her awaiting mini-van taxi. She paid for her plane ticket in cash so they couldn't trace it either.

Just to make sure her mother didn't worry about her being kidnapped she left a note in her empty room:

_I love you, Mom, Cyrus, Dorota, and Serena. I just need to go. Don't worry. _

_--Blair_

The plane began shaking as the lowered in for a landing. The sudden turbulence caused Blair to bolt fully awake. This was really happening. When the plane touched the ground, Blair Cornella Waldorf was dead. That awful person would never be allowed inside her again.

After all, she might as well be dead. She's ruined. In every aspect of the word.

A loud voice came over the speaker's telling everyone to fasten their seatbelts and keep calm, that this turbulence was normal.

Normal or not it still scared the hell out of Blair.

Her hands quickly grabbed at her seatbelt and snapped it into place. Then her nails dug into her armrests. Her eyes squeezed shut and she muttered quick prayers.

After several minutes of constant jerks the plane stopped. They had landed.

Slowly she peeked her eyes back open. She couldn't deny, the town was small, but it was beautiful. In the distance she could see a huge church building, like so many she had seen in Rome visiting her father and Roman. Well, to be honest, the town looked bigger down here on the ground. In the air she hadn't even noticed all the skyscrapers in the town, scattered about what now she could see was more of a city.

She detached her nails from the armrests and unfastened her seatbelt. Taking a deep breath she stood from her seat. The weren't many people on the flight so she was one of the last ones remaining.

Hurriedly she gathered her carry-on items and made her way off the plane.

Wow. The air here smelled so much fresher than in the city. Maybe here in a few hours, when the sun sets, she'll be able to see the stars! The real ones, not the ones her mother had glued onto her ceiling when she was little or the fake projector ones. This thought brought the next issue at her hand, she needed a to find a place to stay for the night.

Maybe she'd figure out who she wanted to be by the time she found a hotel. She was a Waldorf no matter what. She just couldn't be _Blair Waldorf_ anymore. Maybe she could just go by Cornella. She'd always liked that name. It sounded so regal. Cornella Waldorf? For now that would be fine. Not like anyone would be keeping tabs on how much she changed her name.

* * *

_**That's all I have for now. Should I continue or what? Like I said it was spur of the moment. I just need to know if you all likedit now.**_

_**RAWR**_


	2. Definition of me

_Was it __someone's fault__ that she __**can't be normal **__anymore? Did __someone's action or words__ go much to far __**to recover**__ from? __Or__ was it __**her**__? Was she just __used to the max __and __**thrown out **__like last season's closet? Suppose __it__ doesn't __**matter now**__. She's __ruined, damaged, discarded, looked down upon__, and __**gone**__._

Establishing a life here wasn't as hard as she made it out to be. A month in she had already made friends, got a good paying job as an assistant to an architectural designer, found a small apartment to live in, and not let anyone find her.

Still at night, the nightmares wouldn't let her sleep. For every time her eyes drifted to a close, she was back there. Trapped and locked in that small corner. Cutting down anyone who dare even come near her. After all, who the hell were they to come in and show off how together they had their life; when hers was falling apart? Even though when she went to bed in her new apartment, she always left a light on. She hated the darkness now. It scared her. She could never see what was waiting in it. Something that might come after her, something, someone, anyone, anytime, anywhere. How could she have fallen to this though? Living in fear of what's around the next corner. Holding her breath every time the phone rings.

She's gotten so worked-up and worried herself that many mornings she woke-up sick. Throwing up, weak, head spinning, can barely muster the strength to leave the house kind of sick.

"I'm telling you Cornella," a blonde headed girl with a southern twang chimed into Blair's ear. One of her many associates here in the work arena. Mali, the blonde, had proclaimed herself Blair's best friend. Always happy and buzzing around with some good news. Hearing her rattle on kind of reminded Blair of something she was trying to forget. Her old best friend. One who is probably almost certain she is dead. "He is so into you its pathetic. He is the lead designer and he follows you around like a lost puppy!"

"You're insane Mali." Blair rolled her eyes and sorted through some blueprints that were scattered about her desk.

"I'm not! You've got him hooked! Shane Foster is a fine piece of man! As far as I know he has never been married, doesn't mess around, and is enamored with you!" Mali continued to bubble, her spiral blonde curls bouncing up and down.

"You're thinking too much into it." Blair sighed and continued with her project.

"Jesus Cornella! You never go out! This is your only social life and it doesn't even count as 'social life' since its work! Where did you move from Loserville?" Mali was pouting now. Her pink lips stuck out and her arms unhappily crossed over her chest.

Blair didn't answer her. Instead she chose to ignore this rant Mali was going on, after all it happened frequently.

"Now that I think about it, I've never seen you even talk to a guy unless you were standing five feet from him. You gotta guy-a-phobia?" Mali seemed like she was really thinking hard into and Blair didn't want her to burn her brain cells out so early in the morning.

"I've been in town a month." She didn't want to go near any guys. No.

Blair shook the thoughts from mind and plastered a smile on her face for Mali.

"Just give him a chance." Mali resorted to whining and stomping her foot.

"Why are you so concerned with my dating life?"

"Just want you to live your life." Mali shrugged and then turned to head to her own desk.

The reason behind her moving here was so she could forget that life. Not just start a fresh one here.

Mali was right about one thing though. Shane did have it bad for Blair. Only she can't stand the thought of being in a relationship of any kind. The daily routine she had built for herself was good enough. Get up (if she slept at all), go to work, do a good job, laugh when needed, go home, and then try to get some sleep. It was perfect. At least to her it was. It barely left her anytime to reflect.

Suddenly she could taste stomach acid in her mouth, making her almost gag. She dropped the blueprints in her hand and started to make a quick sprint for the restroom.

With grace she got into the ladies room and locked the door before losing all the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl. She quickly flushed the toilet before the smell could reach her nose and make her throw up even more.

Where the hell did that come from?

She sat by the toilet for a minute more to make sure another spell didn't come over her. Once she was certain of herself, she raised to her feet and went over to the sink. As quick as she could, she snapped the water on to wash out her mouth. Maybe she should go to the doctor to see if she picked something up. A stomach virus was the last thing she needed right now. Any type of illness was one she didn't need really.

"Hey Cornella, you okay?" Mali knocked from the other side of the door.

"Yeah! Food poisoning." she called back to her.

Blair had expected Mali to be gone by the time she opened the door, but she wasn't. Instead Mali greeted her with a worried expression and sad puppy eyes.

"You don't look good. You should go to the doctor."

"I was going to make an appointment when I got home, but for now I need to finish sorting these. Shane needed them by tomorrow." Blair smiled, the previous minutes forgotten.

"Speaking of Mr. Tall-blonde-and-handsome." Mali pointed to the left.

Blair's eyes followed her finger's direction and landed on what was in fact a very good looking man.

Shane Foster. Head designer of the Foster's company. Tall, around 6' 2"; dirty blonde hair; lean body put enough muscle to see it through his dark suit. Brown eyes that you couldn't help but fall into.

"Ms. Waldorf, are you feeling alright?" Slight worry showed in his eyes.

"Just a little bug. Nothing big." Blair tossed a smile over to him and then cut her eyes over to Mali, who instead of getting a smile, received a death glare.

* * *

"_This is nothing new to you is it? Cheating. Going behind your boyfriend's back? You're just a nasty little whore, aren't you?" The man hovering over Blair's body whispered huskily in her ear._

_Was that her definition? Was that what she had become to everyone else as well? Because she knew herself that she wasn't the golden girl she was at the beginning of this year. _

"_There are two things that are hard to break: Addictions and Habits." The man continued. "Seems you have two crosses to bear." _

* * *

Damn!

Blair bolted up from her bed. She'd finally managed to go to bed and she had to have a nightmare?

Suddenly it felt like her skin was crawling and her nausea from earlier came rushing back. She hoped out of her bed and dashed over to her awaiting bathroom. Seemed she was spending more and more time in here.

Her stomach gave its best attempt to make her puke but there was nothing left to puke. She stole a glance at the clock on the wall. Five in the morning. Ugh. It was way to early for this!

Exhausted, she laid down against the cool bathroom tile.

"Well, Ms. Waldorf, I have lots of good news for you." A balding man in a white doctor's coat came into her examination room.

She had decided to take half the day off and go to the doctor. Mali was covering her morning meetings to make up for whatever she had done yesterday.

"You don't have any type of stomach virus or flu, for starters." He smiled at Blair as he took his seat in the chair across from her bed.

"That's good." Blair nodded in agreement.

"But, Ms. Waldorf, I am almost certain what is wrong with your stomach." His tone went down some, as if was supposed to be warning her for an upcoming blow. "On you're examine sheet, you said your last menstrual period was three months ago. Have you been under stress or are you just irregular?" He furrowed his white brows together.

* * *

_**That's all for now folks. I think this chapter was more just to establish her…I don't know how much I'll get this week. I'm trying to finish my English report on James Whitcomb Riley, so bear with me through this! Thanks for reading!**_

_**So what do you think so far?**_

_**RAWR**_


	3. When it all comes out

This had to be some kind of sick joke. How was she supposed to forget her past, when something from it was growing inside her? A horrid reminder of all her screw-ups and screw-overs.

"Are you posi-tive?" Blair choked on her words. It just wasn't fair that when everything was going so right she get a sudden wake-up call that she wasn't as perfect as she was making herself out to be.

"Well, it could be due to stress, seeing as you just made a big move here, but in my medical opinion, you are pregnant, Cornella. We can take a test to make sure or if you want to pick one up on the way home from a drugstore…" The doctor was spitting out as many suggestions as he could.

"How far along would you say I am?" Blair said out of a blank stare.

"A month or a little more I would say."

So it was him then. It was him. It was that time when…

"If you're pregnant would you like to keep it or would you want to have an abortion?" The doctor's voice infiltrated her ear.

"I don't know. Can I go? I need time to think." Blair asked timidly.

"Of course. Come back and see me if there is anything else you need." The doctor left with a small smile.

A baby? Surely it was just stress. It couldn't have been that she was really pregnant. Not with _his_ baby. Could running away not even make him let her be? He had found some way to follow her? Someone other way aside from his presence to make her miserable. Damn _him_! He took her world away from her. Made her into the worst form of human possible. Just his little plaything.

Clocking into work should have been easier. She shouldn't have been attacked with questions of what disease she had or if she was going to live. Still…she was.

"I'm not the only one who has been worried." Mali wagged her eyebrows toward Shane's office.

Blair tried to snarl at her, but instead she laughed. Hell, if her life was going down, no use hiding. She learned the hard way that nothing stays hidden in this life.

"Mali…do you really think he likes me?"

"I think if you paid him any mind he might ask you to marry him." Mali laughed at Blair's question.

Her statement made the light bulb in Blair's head go off. Sure, she was scared as hell of what might come. She didn't want to exile herself though. Her punishment was that she had to start anew on her own, not that she had to be forever lonely. It might help to have someone to help her. Someone who saw beauty in her though at time, bruises from her past would show themselves. Letting a man back in was going to be hard. But if it meant she didn't have to go through this alone, that was okay. After all, she was a Waldorf woman and they could handle things that were rough.

"I think I might give it a shot." Blair swallowed hard.

With her all the grace she had she began her walk over towards Shane's office. She gently knocked against the door and waited him to respond. After a minute his voice told her to enter. As she pushed the door open she witnessed him busily working at his desk. The blueprints she had put together the day before piled in front of him.

At first he didn't notice her. He just busily continued to study the prints.

"Shane? I mean, Mr. Foster." As soon as her voice came out it was like he was startled awake.

"Cornella! I'm sorry. I didn't notice it was you." He pushed the sloppy pile of work together.

"Oh its fine." Blair held her arms behind her back as she approached him, timidly and gracefully.

"How was your doctor's appointment?" He stood from his chair and smiled at her.

He did have a really cute smile. Almost like Nate's lopsided grin she loved so much, only slightly more loppy. Like a carefree schoolboy really.

"Well, I don't know if the news I got was good or bad." She lowered herself into one of the cushioned chairs in front of his desk.

"What was it?" He perched on the corner of his desk. Leaned in forward, like a child waiting to be told a story.

She debated telling for a second, but he was going to find out one way or another.

"The doctor thinks I'm-"A big gulp, "pregnant."

Shane looked taken back for a second. "That's good?"

His brow was furrowed quizzically. He wasn't quite sure what to say. 'Good for you!' 'When is it due?' 'Where is the father?'

"Its not perfect, maybe not even acceptable." Blair blinked at him.

"Umm, I'm sorry. I really don't know what to say." Shane scratched at the back of his head.

"I know I'm new here and I'm already in debt to you for giving me this great job, but I don't want to give up this baby. I'm not saying you have to support me or anything, I can take care of myself just fine, I just wanted to know if I needed someone to talk to about you'd be there. Of course I'd understand if you didn't want to. I mean there is always Mali-"

"No! This is great. I mean, I've always-" He stopped and thought for a second, "Yes. I would love to help you!"

Blair's eyes lit up at this. She wasn't going to be alone. Not for now at least. Thats all that mattered.

* * *

"Where could she be?" Chuck barked into his phone. The person he was yelling at was the fifth PI he had hired since Blair had disappeared. None of these morons could seem to handle the simple task of finding _Blair Waldorf_.

"I'm not sure. I've tried looking for any sign of her. None though. Its just like she vanished off the face of the earth." The man explained. It was no use though. He was about to end up like every PI before him. Fired and with a bad resume.

"She couldn't have vanished you sci-fi nerd! This is reality! Either she has been kidnapped or she is out there somewhere and you're just not finding her!

Three months and there had been nothing? Nothing at all! This was all just about to drive him over the edge.

"Chuck!" Nate's voice woke Chuck up from his mental rant.

"Nathanial," Someone else was there too, "Tripp, so good to see you two again."

"Hey man. Been a while." Tripp shook Chuck's hand with a smile.

"Dude, have you heard from Blair? I can't find her anywhere, she hasn't called, nothing!" Nate sounded exasperated.

"Like I told you last week, I've got people working on it. Believe," Chuck's attention went to the mouth piece of his phone, "their jobs are on the line."

"I just want her back. Or at least to call me back. I can't understand why she just up and left." Nate roughly ran his fingers through his hair.

"Once we find her, we'll get the full story." Chuck snapped his phone shut.

_**That's all. Sorry for taking so long. My laptop charger has given out now so its just getting more complicated. Thanks for reading! Now do the clicking on the rectangle button down there! **_

_**RAWR**_


	4. Forget the wrongs I've done

Its okay to _move on _once you've **forgiven **yourself right? You _don't have _to keep **beating yourself down **and _refusing_ to let yourself **be happy **anymore after that do you? Even if you _can never _get everyone's **forgiveness**, you _have to_ get over it at one point **right**? Because even if you can't get _everyone_ to **forgive you**, you don't have to _live_ with **them**. _Past mistakes _are just **that**. The past. You have to _start_ working on a happy **future's history**.

* * *

"You two got busy fast. Its only been four months." Mali's blonde eyebrows wagged down at Blair's slightly extended stomach.

"Mali." Blair warned.

"Sorry," Mali sighed, "Its just that. You're-" her hand flailed about in the general area around Blair's stomach, "yeah and the next thing I know you'll be getting married to him! Oh my goodness! You're already engaged aren't you? Can I please be in the wedding?! Please! I just want to be a bridesmaid! I've never been in a wedding before! Please!"

"Mali!" Blair slammed the blueprints down she had been trying to organize, "Breathe! If I get married of course you'll be in the wedding! You can be my maid of honor! But I'm not getting married. At least not at the moment! So can you please go and do whatever it was you were hired to do? I'm positive it wasn't pester me about 'what might be' things."

"Pregnancy hormones must be a bi-tch." Her southern twang came out in her last word. The result making Blair laugh.

"You shouldn't cuss. It just doesn't sound right. You're from way to far south too." Blair was now laughing at Mali's wrinkled nose.

"I can too cuss! I just don't like doing it often!" Mali pouted turning abruptly, making her short flailed miniskirt fly out.

"Mali," Blair's voice made her turn back around. "Do you think he is gonna ask me? That would just be so cute. I've always wondered what my wedding would be like."

"I think he will." Mali smiled at Blair, past woes now forgotten, and happily carried on back to her desk.

New thoughts buzzed around in Blair's head. A wedding. It would have to be soon or after the baby is born. She just simply couldn't look like a jumbo marshmallow in her wedding pictures. Maybe then she and Shane could find a nice little country house with a white picket fence, a rose garden, and a big backyard for the baby to play in. Maybe she could even look at her baby and not remember where it had come from. Not be forced back into an place of hating herself. Just knowing she _was_ having his baby made her sick to her stomach. Or was that the baby making her sick?

"Cornella, what do you think about this one?" Shane was suddenly next to her, a baby magazine in his hand. He was pointing at a Victorian style crib with anxious eyes.

With a sigh Blair took the magazine from him, "I told you. You don't need to worry about this baby. I am very capable of handling it."

"But-I want to help. You're-I was just thinking that the baby should have an elegant room. Judging by your apartment I could tell that you prefer antique and older styled things and I saw this and I just thought of you and your baby." Shane took the magazine back from her and began flipping through the pages, showing her all the different things he had found.

"You're very sweet. Yes, but this baby is my personal responsibility so don't worry." Blair put her fingers on his lips to make him stop talking. "You have a 2:30 meeting," she instructed now straightening his tie, "so look sharp and took pretty."

"What was I before you?" He grinned at her.

"Lost. Destitute. Confused. Better off?" Blair patted his suited chest with a beamy smile.

"I'm better off now that I have you and your little munchkin." He sounded like he really meant it. Like it wouldn't permanently screw up his future helping to raise a kid that wasn't his. That is, if he was planning on hanging around that long.

"Got your proposal ready? This will be the biggest deal of the month if you get it." Blair shook off her in-confidence.

"Ah! No! Thank you so much! I'll see you at dinner!" He was gone just as soon as he had appeared. Forgetting his magazine in the process.

Blair began flipping through it. She was more than likely going to have to go over to his house and clean it out of these, and anything like it. As sweet as he was, she was not--**was not**-- going to let him share her burden. Which is what this baby might turn out to be. A constant reminder. She, herself, might just end up hating it. Giving it up. Losing her mind and killing it.

What the hell? She couldn't believe her last thoughts. Did she eat a bowl of psycho this morning for breakfast?

Shane was right though, the crib was something she was going to have to get.

* * *

"I see you've had no problem moving on." Chuck sneered disapprovingly at Nate, who had a redhead dressed in a plunging silver dress on his arm.

"Blair is gone! Her mom told me and Serena verified it!" He yelled drunkenly over the loud pumping music. "She ran off. I guess she is like you and afraid of commitment."

Chuck turned in disgust from Nate and downed what was left of his scotch into his stomach. Swallowing too much to fast made him gag and grip the nearest thing to him for support.

Once he was sure he wasn't going to lose everything in his stomach he released his support and straightened up. A tall, lanky, nappy-headed brunette stood with a mix of shock and content across her face. She nodded at Chuck and he rolled his eyes.

It didn't matter that he was almost completely hammered and stoned, he could judge a bad time before hand. He'd spent enough time drunk in the past few months to have grown some kind of judgment in that state as well.

And what did Nate mean she ran off? He should have been able to track her down had she just simply _run off_. No something else was wrong. Just what was it though!? Damn his head hurt!

"Chuck? You seen my worthless cousin?" Tripp called from over at the bar.

Chuck squinted to get a better look at him them, happy to be out of the nappy-headed brunette's vision slipped over there.

"I have actually. He is over in my normal booth with some kind of cheap hooker who he is convinced is his meant-to-be." Chuck grumbled as he ordered another scotch.

"Figures. I hope he is sobered up before 2 tomorrow. Our meeting is important." Tripp shook his head and gave his attention back to his glass.

"He will. He'll have a hell-of-a-hangover but he'll be fine."

"Any luck? I haven't gotten an update the situation since the last time we talked." Tripp asked as his eyes fell back to Chuck.

"No. Appartently she ran away. At least that's what drunk over there is saying." Chuck motioned over his shoulder at Nate.

"Why?" Tripp's eyebrow shot up.

"No clue. She had everything…what went wrong?" Chuck was asking himself more than Tripp.

* * *

_**I updated. Sorry it took so long and its not even long enough to make up for it, but school is out in 6 ½ days so just hang in there! Any ideas? Any suggestions? Anybody want to help me plan out a summer? LOL I got job so I'll get more experience behind for more good ideas! SCORE! Thanks! Bye!**_

_**RAWR**_


	5. Inspiration

_You and a guest are invited to attend the annual Gala of Arts._

_The items this year will be at the starting bidding price of $100,000._

_Please remember this goes to a good cause so do not feel shy to spend._

_Thank you and hope to see you soon._

_Xxx_

How did she get talked into this again_? _Oh wait. Shane asked her with the huge sad puppy eyes. Even at her meanest and strictest she couldn't deny them. Now she was stuck in the middle of all the rich folk, some of who she used to rub elbows with, or had seen her parents do it one. None of them knew her though. How could they? It'd been over two years since she had left. She was a whole different person, while in her old shell.

Unlike then, now she was mother of beautiful little chestnut and blonde lazy curled hair blue eyed little girl. Odette Amelia Waldorf. Who was currently upstairs sleeping with the rest of the young children. Also unlike back then, she was the fiancée of architectural design company CEO, now. Who was currently chatting it up with some old time friends.

Leaving her where she was, standing by the refreshment table nibbling on some salted crackers. It'd been a long time since she was in a place like this. She stopped coming once he had always managed to appear. Like some sort of weird obsessed stalker. In fact it was at a gathering similar to this one where it happened the first time.

Blair shook the thoughts from her head. That was her past, and a far off place from where she was now. She was safe here. No one could possibly find her or Odette. Not unless they had some hidden camera on her.

"Ella!" Shane called out the nickname she had gained over the past year.

"Yeah, honey?" She replied back sweetly, finishing her cracker in a few quick bites.

"I might have just landed one of the biggest partnerships of my career, if they do agree to it."

"What are you talking about?" Blair smiled, still slightly confused.

"I've just met some business men from New York! They said they might be interested in a partnership and I might be able to design some buildings for them!" Shane took her hands and squeezed them. He was never one for public affection unless the urge just couldn't be resisted.

"That's great!" Blair faked enthusiasm for him. She didn't like the words _New York_ and _Business men_ though. In fact they scared her.

"They want to meet you, you know." He continued on.

Blair's full attention was given to him now. She had no desire to meet any of these people here. She knew most of them already! If someone did by chance recognize her (despite the fact her hair had grown out, was style differently, she had even given up headbands, and she had stopped wearing only flats all the time) then they would go tell someone else, and it would continue on until the wrong person heard and came for her. Then she would have to take Odette and leave before that hellish style life could haunt her anymore. Or worse yet, get to Odette.

"Why?" She asked dryly.

"You're my inspiration! You and your little munchkin that is." He grinned at her. A gesture she felt compelled to give back, even though it certainly wasn't what she was feeling. Still, Shane had shot his reputation to hell when he agreed to father a child that wasn't his. Smiling and meeting some stuck-up New York business men was the least she could do.

"That's nice, I just have to go powder my nose." She raised her clutch as if she were proving her point.

"Great, well, were over by the moving statue woman." Shane kissed her cheek lightly, then pointed over to where a woman who was barely dressed, but painted gray was standing.

"Okay. I'll be over in a minute." She retreated to the women's restroom.

Her hands gripped one of the marble sinks for support once the door had fully closed. She hadn't thought back on the past in so long and now suddenly it was like it was attacking her from every angle. Men and women dressed in all the things she used to wear. Girls just few years younger than her acting just like she used.

She noticed a woman a few sinks looking at her through the mirror. Her nose wrinkling in disapproval.

"Your first time to one of these things?" She asked as Blair regained her composure.

"Yes, can you tell?" Blair lied with a short laugh.

"Very much. Bit of advice." She closed her purse and flipped her hair over her bony excuse for a shoulder, "You're not cut out for it. Give it up. If you're hell-bent on keeping the man that brought you here, then stay at home and let him bring his mistress instead, hopefully she can carry herself better than you."

"Excuse me?" Blair's jaw dropped. How could that woman just say that to her? As if she actually knew what she was talking about!

"Don't be hurt. It takes a special type of woman to handle these things." Blair could tell the woman was surprising a snicker. Which did more than piss her off. She was born into _this_ world! She ran this world before she out of high school!

"Oh." Blair's hand floated over the faucet next to the woman. With a simple flick she put the water on full blast, splashing all over the front of the woman's thin white material dress. "I'm sorry."

"You bitch!" The woman bellowed throwing her hands into the air.

"I don't know whose mistress you are, but here is some advice, if you're going to insult someone in a bathroom. Don't wear white and stand in front of a sink." Blair smiled like a proper lady and exited the restroom. Leaving the woman's cursing voice chasing after her.

As she swayed through the crowd she couldn't help but think back on the incident and smile. It felt good to be the old her again. The one who did simple immature things and made them look evil, sinister, and planned out.

She found Shane without a problem. His was talking to two men, whose backs were to her, at the top of the staircase. One man with dark/black hair and the other with dirty blonde. Each dressed in dark suits, hands supporting champagne flutes.

"Ella!" Shane's head nodded at her when she caught his attention.

With a tight pressed smile she swayed up to them.

Shane extended his hand to her. She responded by putting her left hand on top of his, proudly broadcasting her engagement ring, as he helped her up the stairs.

"Gentlemen, this is the light of my life." He introduced her to the men. "My inspiration."

The dark haired one, who had just took a swig of his champagne, made a gagging noise. As if he was trying to keep his drink in his mouth.

Innocently, Blair, batted her eyes over at him. She hadn't seen either of their faces yet, but still, it was completely rude to do that when being introduced to someone.

The blonde one turned his body so she couldn't see his face as he patted the dark haired one's back, his face out of her view as well.

"You okay, Charles?" Shane asked releasing her hand.

Small cold chills began rising on Blair's skin. Not yet visible despite her spaghetti strapped dress.

"Yeah. It just went down the wrong pipe." The man coughed in an all too familiar voice.

"You're making us look bad." The blonde laughed as they each turned to face her finally.

Cold hills were the least of her problems. Her knees were about to fall out from beneath her and her spine had just frozen stiff.

"Charles and Tripp. Meet Ella, my fiancée." Blair stayed frozen, trying to remember to breathe.

Both pair of eyes staring at her almost bugged out. The one set narrowed and the other rounded back out.

"She's beautiful." Tripp took Blair's rigid hand and kissed it. "_It's a pleasure to meet you_."

Chuck was still in too much shock to produce any words.

"You! What are you doing with my date?!" A woman's voice yelled from the stairs. Finally stealing the attention away from Blair.

It was the woman from the restroom, marching right up to them.

"Excuse me, miss?" Shane questioned the blonde.

"You little slut! Get away from my man!" The woman suddenly grabbed Chuck's arm and pulled him away from the group.

Hurt washed through Blair at the sigh of the woman pulling Chuck from their group. She had always regretted leaving without ever really telling him that she still loved him. Not that it mattered now, apparently. He didn't spend much time looking or mourning after her. Cause he sure as hell didn't find her.

The crowd around them began whispering. The women pulling their escorts closer to them and away from the center of the conflict.

"I'm not worried about your date." Blair spat out, not wanting to cause to big of a scene for Shane's benefit. "I have _my own_-"

"Moomma!" A small voice whined.

Blair could see the crowd gradually parting as the voice got closer. Then among the knees of the crowd, out burst Odette. Tears streaking down her cheek, her crème colored dress stained with what looked like red fruit juice. Her long curls bouncing care freely under her headband.

She bent down to receive the child into her arms. Lifting her up and holding her between herself and Shane.

"Shh, what is it baby?" She cooed as she pet the little girl's hair.

"Dat meanie boy duined muh dress!" Odette wailed through her tears.

"Aww, honey, its okay. Mommy will get you a new one." Blair tried to comfort her daughter fruitlessly.

Blair, fearfully, turned her his to look at Tripp and Chuck. Chuck looked as if his life couldn't sink any further down into the muck, the platinum blonde still tugging at him. Tripp was covering whatever emotion he was feeling. In fact, he looked like he was trying to put together some puzzle pieces that wouldn't go.

"Hey," Shane took Odette from Blair and began bouncing her up and down. Getting a sea of Aws from the crowd, "its okay. You still look beautiful."

"Muh dress!" She continued to wail as she buried her face into Shane's neck.

"It's still pretty." He smiled and patted her back.

Slowly her cries died down and she just laid against Shane, one thumb in her mouth, glaring at anyone who tried to remove her from him.

"That's quite the beauty you have there." Tripp smiled, "You have two lovely ladies. I'm jealous."

"Yeah." Chuck said absentmindedly, he had finally shaken off that excuse of a woman he brought for a date off. She had marched off mad a few minutes ago, cursing him as she went.

"Here, she's tired, I'm going to put her in one of the beds." Odette left Shane's hold with little fuss. Instantly clinging to her mother.

"Bye-bye." Odette waved at the men with a yawn. Earning another wave of Aws from the crowd.

"I'll be back in a few minutes." Blair left and went in search of a spare room she could put Odette in.

After a five minute search she found one and was tucking Odette in. Blair laughed her small disputing. Odette made it very clear she was not a fan of going to bed. In fact, she often made Blair the bad guy at night whenever she would start non-stop crying until Shane came in and told her that all the good little princesses were going to sleep. Or something along those lines. He had a new one almost every night. That was one of the reasons Shane stayed later sometimes. So he could be there to tuck her in.

"Nighty momma." She yawned and hugged her pillow. Drifting off into a peaceful slumber.

"Night baby." Blair smiled and pushed some stray hair out of her daughter's face. Soft, sweet, innocent, and angelic. Odette may have some of her father's look and traits, but Blair prayed in every fiber of her being that Odette would never have to experience her father though.

But now, Blair turned her head towards the doorway that was cracked slightly, it seems as if she might have to--to what? Run? Break Shane's heart? Desert all the friends she had made here? She couldn't do that to these people.

She turned to Odette once more and kissed her forehead, before standing from the bed.

"_Ella_?' A voice filled with distaste spoke. Blair's backbone going rigid again with fear and worry.

* * *

_**Yay! I updated. I hope you liked it. This title came from the Chicago song "Inspiration". Just to tell you. Ha-ha. So please tell me what you think. BTW gotta ask, are there any Pyro(John from X-men) fans out there? Cause I'm one!**_

_**RAWR**_


	6. Please 'dont' wake me up

_Is __guilt__ when you feel __all__ your sins __**coming back**__? When you __think that your past __might have __**finally caught you**__? The place __where your lies __come __**undone**__? The dirty secrets __you've convinced yourself __never happened, __**are replaying in front of you**__?_

Blair could feel her heart freeze as the ice from the voice stabbed into her. Her hands trembled over Odette's sleeping form. Why did she have to favor him in her face? It was going to be all-to-obvious what had happened.

With a deep breath she turned slowly to face the man.

"_Ella_, I think I've fried my nerves." Shane leaned his forehead against the white door paneling.

Relief rushed into Blair's heart when she saw that it was Shane standing in the doorway and not _someone else._

"What's wrong? Do we need to leave?" She let too much hope slip into that last word.

"No no. Do you think you can undo the damage I've done with those guys and try to convince them I'm not a total screw up? I've been practically chewing my foot off since you left.

"I'll watch Odette, I might even take a quick nap myself. Just to ease the headache I feel coming on." Damn. She didn't want to do this, but he rarely ever asked anything of her. What was she supposed to say? '_I know them from my past life and it'll be a piece of cake_._' 'Oh sure! We're old friends, just a snap of my fingers and you're a CEO in New York.'_?

"Its my fault, its cause of what that woman said anyway right? I mean she was, was his name Charles, date after all." Blair played dumb, a role she was never fond of, and smiled at Shane.

"No! It wasn't that! I'm not embarrassed by you! That woman was just psycho." Shane gave an exhausted laugh as he trudged across the room. "I'm not used to these things." Another laugh. "But you, love, you've taken to it like a pro. I'm in awe of you yet again."

"Well my mother was very strict on good behavior and well placed manners." That one wasn't a complete lie. Her mother had been very forward about how Blair should be a lady no matter what the situation.

"She was a good lady then." He sat down on the foot of the bed.

"I'll do it," Blair caved, "but tomorrow you have to take Odette and I out for ice-cream."

"Done deal. If I'm not back down there in 30 minutes, I'll take you to the carnival as well." He smiled as Blair pressed a miss to his forehead then left the room, closing the door tightly behind her.

The hall was empty, so she took a minute to gather herself in the quiet. She eased back to lean against the wall behind her and looked up to the roof, lost in thought.

What was she supposed to do? Everything she worked so hard to be away from and forget was in the same building as her. Even worse, the man who she was going to marry was trying to get into business with them! If everything worked out good enough, they might move them up to New York, there she would be given two choices: A) Face her past and all the lies she has told to protect herself be exposed or B) Take Odette and leave. Even if that meant leaving Shane. She couldn't have her daughter there, not where he would always be. Just the thought of it tortured her mind.

Then like a broken dam, the memories she had locked away in the far corner of her mind came flooding forward.

_She _knew_ that her body was aching, but she couldn't feel it. Whatever she had taken had made sure of that. Despite the fact she was laying in some ratty hotel with the guy who had given her the drug to begin with, her mind was far too clouded to regret it. No wonder Nate had stayed in this state all the time, it was kind of nice to not have a care._

_Carefully she turned to her side, facing away from the man sleeping next to her. Maybe she could make shapes out of the patterns on the wallpaper. Her arm extended itself out as she traced the figures she saw in the air. This was some good stuff, she was could see the Mona Lisa hidden in the paper pattern._

_Just then the man behind her shifted in his sleep. She didn't want him to wake up. As soon as he did, he would want to go another round of sex. She didn't want to make her body any sorer than it was already. _

_After thinking for a few minutes, her clouded mind decided it was time to leave. She did so, slipping quietly out of the bed and into her clothes, then leaving the room._

_It was amazing no one had caught her these past few weeks. Aside from the one blast that she was so drunk, after receiving the letter from NYU that she wasn't getting in, that she was vomiting at every stop sign from Serena's house to her own. In her own defense it wasn't every stop sign._

_Once home she ignored her mother completely and went straight to her bathroom, stripping out of the clothes she had just put on. Damn!_

_Carefully she counted the new bruises on her skin. Some from needles, others from rough hands, or bad moods. Either way, she wasn't going to be wearing a swimsuit anytime soon. She couldn't even wear that new sundress she had gotten._

_Seven new bruises. One from a needle, two from when _he_ had shoved her down onto the floor, the other four from where he gripped her too hard. Tears began to choke her. Even though she was still running off the drug injection she had gotten earlier, that and all the weed smoke that was stifling around the hotel room, it hurt to see herself like this. Like some second rate trashy junkie whore. At least that's what _he _always called her._

_Hell. Why did she even care about her body anymore? No one saw it but _him_ so what would it matter? Chuck didn't give her the time of day anymore. Nate didn't ever have time. Serena was too busy planning her __**future**__. Her father had taken off to some unknown island with Roman. Her mother and stepfather were gone most of the time as well. There was no one left to give a damn. So why should she?_

_While taking her shower, almost passed out from the steam mixing with her already dazed mind…more than once. _

_The only notable thing she really remembered was putting on some underwear and a long night shirt, then crawling into bed. Since it was only two a.m. she should be able to get in a few hours of sleep._

She didn't want to remember anymore. She forced her mind to shove the walls back up to prevent anymore painful memories from entering into her mind. It was bad enough that she was going out to face the past. Face to face. In the flesh.

Lady like, she pushed off the wall, straightened her dress and walked with as much confidence as she could muster back to the party. There were fewer people there. It was getting late after all. Her eyes sought out in hope that maybe **they** had left too. After all, it was a long flight back to New York. Scanning the crowd carefully, she was beginning to smile. Then her eyes found then, chatting it up with a business man whom she had seen earlier, while trying to find Odette a room, fondling one of the models.

Chuck didn't look interested at all though. Instead he looked as if he was far-far away. His face hadn't aged a bit since she saw him last. Still the tough, yet soft look to it. His hair was still brushed back in place, as it always was. Of course, the sharpest dressed in the crowd.

She didn't know if her heart was aching or fluttering at the site of him. It did hurt her to see him after so long of convincing herself, he never existed. Then again, it brought relief to see that he had his father's company and was apparently running it quite well.

Then his eyes caught her, standing at the top of the staircase. His mind was so jumbled it was hard to tell which thought process he should go on with, but one did stand out. He wanted to know why she had left. Why she never gave him a last chance to say that he did truly care for her. Why she never called or sent a letter to let him and everyone else know that she was still alive! Why that little girl called her 'momma'!

The radiance emanating off Blair's skin was always easy for him to see. Whether she was happy or sad didn't matter. She always had a glow of perfection around her. He could see it now too, as she held her head up high in confidence and started down the stairs. At first glance, she wasn't Blair…she was _Ella_. At a longer glance, she was _Blair_. The one he remember and had poured countless dollars into finding. And there she was. Walking towards him, her cheeks looking more pale than flushed. Her eyes were shielded from any emotion. Her look just made him want to swoop her up and take her away with him.

"Gentlemen?" She was standing in arms distance now. If this was a dream he didn't want to wake up.

Every nerve in her body was riding on edge. If this was a nightmare, she had learned her lesson, and want to be woke-up now.

Tripp bided the man he was talking to goodbye and turned to Blair.

"Not one single form of contact in almost three years and now suddenly two times in one night? You're smothering us." Tripp commented, sipping from his flute.

"Don't play cute." Blair snapped.

Tripp's eyebrows went up in astonishment and Blair instantly regretted her statement.

"I'm sorry." She gushed out an apology and began to fiddle her fingers together. "I know I'm in no place to ask favors-"

"Damn right!" Tripp interrupted her. "Do you know the hell you've put everyone thru? Your mother wouldn't leave the house for over two months! Serena moped around the city, yelling at everyone. Nate went back to drinking and smoking. Chuck here has put more money into finding your ass than he has ever spent before. And you still think you can ask favors?"

Blair's throat was so tight she knew she was choking. What else could she say? They could blow everything up in her face and everyone here would know exactly who and what she was. Worse yet…they would know about Odette.

"Chuck-" Blair started.

* * *

_Epic tiredness has struck me. But you guys had waited long enough for an update so I wasn't making it any longer. Please tell me what you think! I really struggled with how to take this, but I do believe this is the best direction._

_**RAWR!**_


	7. Good job, Sandman

**Chapter title: Good job, Sandman, I'm stuck in a nightmare.**

After a few seconds of deafening silence, Chuck took another swig from his flute, and sighed. The unknown origin of the sigh made her heart swell with worry, adding to the ton that was already there.

"Please?" her voice softened a bit.

"Come with me." he finally spoke.

She didn't argue or pout about it, just simply squared her shoulders and obeyed him. Chuck began leading her out of the crowded area and into a quiet empty hall. It wasn't a relaxed walk at all, his shoulders were set and straight, the way she had always pictured him like that once he got his father's business. It wasn't a comforting thought, but it wasn't a horrid one either, him treating her like a stranger. After all, she had made herself one.

"In here," Chuck's voice derailed her train of thoughts. He had pushed open one of the many doors in the hall and was holding it, waiting sternly for her to enter.

"Thank you." She glided into the empty, trying to accidentally bump in to him.

Once she was inside, Chuck entered and closed the door softly, snapping the lock into place as he did so.

It was quiet at first, neither knew what to start with. Blair was far too scared to say anything and Chuck didn't know what to say or how to say it. Finally, he set his flute down and released yet another sigh.

"Chuck, listen I-" Blair couldn't finish, Chuck's lips smashed onto her own. His hand weaved its way into her hair and pressed her into the kiss, only she didn't need his encouragement to engage into the kiss.

The taste of his champagne was still fresh on his lips, she wasn't sure if it was that or just his kiss that was intoxicating her, but she was feeling it.

Before a thought could cross either of their minds, Blair was in her slip and Chuck shirt was resting on the floor.

* * *

"Why did you leave?" Chuck inquired while redressing himself on the edge of the bed.

"I had some issues." Some wasn't quite the right word for it, but it sounded better than the truth. "You weren't even speaking to me at that time." She commented while shrugging her dress back up on her shoulders.

"So why did you ask for _help_?" his tone had grown some bitterness.

She didn't answer him immediately, "Chuck," she say on the bed and wrapped her arms around him, "I'm somebody here! I'm not my name! I'm Ell, Architectural designer, fiancée to the CEO of the company, and mother to the most precious little girl in the whole world. And not one time have I gotten something simply cause my name is 'Waldorf'. I'm free to start over so no one will know how bad I screwed up before! Not to mention, there is no one waiting around every corner for me to do something that would be worth reporting to Gossip Girl! I never knew that life could be this simple."

"So you haven't missed any of us at all?" he shrugged out of her hold.

"Of course I missed you! You cant even begin to fathom how much I missed you and that life! This isn't all fluffy and sweet, I worked my ass off! Then you and Tripp just show up, and----and--well if you wanted to you could take it all away from me."

"Why in the hell would I want to ruin your life? You're **perfectly **happy being here." he was standing and marching towards the door suddenly.

"Chuck!" Blair tired to call after him, but he was gone, slamming the door behind in the process.

Then it dawned on her the rash decision she had just made, sleeping with Chuck at the drop of a hat; she hadn't even slept with Shane yet and that was her fiancée! All it took was a smudge of her old life and she crumbled. What if that isn't the only thing she falls back into? What if the other things resurface as well?

No! She had Odette now! She could never do those things again! She didn't want to do them in the first place, but situations and people influenced her in overloads and she is only human.

The door knob turned, calling her out of her mental torture.

"Chuck!" she called, "I can explain why I really left!"

The person didn't answer, instead they scoffed a laugh from behind the door.

"Something never change, one a whore always a whore, right Blair?" The door creaked open the rest of the way, revealing the last person on God's green earth she ever wanted to see, Tripp.

All the color evacuated Blair's face and her mouth suddenly dried up.

"Tell me, Blair, why did you leave?" he cocked a grin at her.

"No." her voice was almost inaudible.

"Long time," his eyes racked over her, "no see."

"What do you want Tripp? I need to get back to Shane and" she gulped, "our daughter."

"Haven't seen you in years, you have enough time to screw Chuck and make sure he goes suicidal when we get back home, but you don't have enough time for an old friend?"

"Since when was I ever friends with the likes of you?!" she snapped back.

Tripp laughed and then closed the door, "you don't know what you did do you?" Chuck nearly lost his mind looking for you And here, you were only like 5 hours away this whole time! Not to mention, you almost killed your mother, caused her to divorce Cyrus--she blamed him for you running away."

"What?"

"Yes," Tripp walked over to the bed and fell backwards onto his back, looking relaxed as ever, "She even gave up her business."

"You're lying!"

"Nope, even though she was extremely hard on you, you were her inspiration. She wanted you to be the best so that every other girl was jealous of you. That's what she said in her closing statement anyways."

"She would have just used Serena!"

"Tried, Serena isn't you though. That's not even the best! Since your mother publicly yelled at Cyrus--with the whole blaming him thing--his firm began losing people. He fell into debt and jumped out a window. I don't know if he is still in a coma or not, if not they pulled the plug.

"Do you feel dirtier now, whore? You were so selfish and ran, leaving a trail of destruction behind you. The only good thing that came out of it was Nate's old habits re-emerging themselves. The whoring, drinking, drugging and what not." He looked far too happy about his cousins downfall, "You know, we might really take Shane up on his offer, Aren't you thrilled? You could move back to the city and see everyone you left behind."

Blair's body went rigid. Her day had been long enough, she was tired and just wanted to wake-up form this nightmare.

"Come." He instructed patting his lap from his reclined position.

"No, I need-"

"Don't care. Get over here." Tripp's tone was firmer this time.

Slowly, Blair's feet carried her over to the edge of the bed. This was her old life all over again. Every detail of it. She lifted one leg, placed it on the bed; then the other , until she was straddling him.

"You know, you can put on a disguise and fool everyone else, but I see every detail of your filth." his hands found her hips and held them there, over his own.

"I'm not that girl anymore."

"Ha! Look at your position. You're giving someone else exactly what they want, just to keep your dirty little secret hidden! Even though it would be soo much fun to see all of your lies blow up in your face, I want to have some fun with this."

"I'm not doing this!" Blair began to move back off of him, only to have him grip her forearms and flip them so he could press her down into the comforter.

"Unless you want me to rat you out to Shane. That would ruin your happy little family wouldn't it?" A smirk played over his face.

Blair kept her jaw locked shut.

"Good girl." his hand pet up her leg as his lips forced themselves against hers.

The sour bitter taste of her past forced its way into her mouth. After all these years, she let herself believe she was over this, that is would never happen again. Her heart squeezed in anguish as Tripp's hand began to push her dress up.

"No!" She ordered, hitting his back with his fist.

"Since when did you start giving orders?" His hand shoved her dress up even more.

"Please no!" Tears were stinging her eyes.

"You know what? You just need a reminder of all the good times we had together." His hand moved away from her body and she breathed easy for a second. Maybe he would just leave her alone. She let her eyes close and tried to even out her breathing.

Then a small pinch feeling suddenly infiltrated her arm.

With a gasp she opened her eyes to see, much to her horror, the ultimate reminder of her past. Tripp had inserted a needle into her arm, and before he brain could react--injected the whole dosage of whatever was in it, in her blood stream.

"No! No! NO!" She wailed, pulling her arm away from the needle.

"You're favorite cocktail." Tripp tossed the needle aside and pulled Blair back down to where he was.

"No! Get it out!" Her nails raked over the injection spot, trying to draw the blood out.

"Its too late, welcome back to the real you, whore." Tripp whispered into her ear, causing Blair's tears to stream out of her eyes.

**That's all for now. I know its not where near what you should get, but I'm trying to balance: school, volleyball, a job, and sometimes housework. Not to mention Toshiba chargers keep giving out. Well, thank you all so much for being patient, and those who weren't--thank you for reminding me that you were still there. I hope you guys don't hate me too much for the twist! **

**Soo happy the 3rd**** season started! Go Chuck/Blair! Yea yeah!**

**RAWR**


	8. I'm all alone & I need you now

As odd as it may seem Blair was thanking God for her prior experience with this kind of thing. She knew it was better to just lay there on the bed and let the effects of the drug play out. Tripp left her long ago, his parting words, "See ya soon, whore." Was that what she had sunk down to being again? Just someone who turns tricks cause she can or gets something out of it? But what was she getting out of it this time? Heartache and bad reminders? That didn't seem fair.

Her mind drifted further as her nails began to rake up and down where the needle had been injected. The burning sensation radiating through her arm was unbearable and seemed so much worse than what she remembered. Her eyes looked down to see if the feeling matched the look. The sudden gasp she did made her head spin. Was this a hallucination? She had been watching the paintings and wall colors swirl for about half an hour, so it would make sense that she was hallucinating her injury was worse than it was.

With some relief she laid her head back and sighed.

"Stupid tie." Someone's voice muttered from the door, or maybe that was a hallucination too.

She lifted her head from the mattress to look over at the door. Who could honestly have found this room?

"Oh." She smiled at the person, "Hi Bass."

Hearing his name Chuck adverted his attention from the floor to the bed. There laid Blair. Her dress hitched up around her hips, a dazed look in her eyes, and her arm…completely covered in blood.

"Blair! What happened to you?!" He boomed as he rushed over to the bed.

"Ha ha. Its nothing." She extended bloody arm up at him, surprised at how sore it felt. "And don't yell. My head hurts."

"Blair! How did-who did-" He couldn't pick his first question.

"Its not that bad. I just need a bandage or two." Blair's arm fell limp against the bed again.

"_You_ need to be in a hospital. Look at yourself! Are you high?" Chuck was in disbelief. Blair Waldorf, the most in control and fully confident in herself women he knew, was lying in front of him…high as a kite with a torn open arm.

"No!" She was suddenly sitting straight up and reaching out for him. " No hospitals! Everyone would know! They cant know! It would ruin Shane!"

"That doesn't matter right now! You need medical attention." He argued.

"No I don't. I just need a few band aids and I'll be fine." Her hazy eyes were suddenly filled with tears.

"We at least need to get you in the shower to wash some of that blood off and see just how bad your arm is. Your dress is ruined though." Chuck tried to calm his nerves, how calm can a person be with a high bleeding person in front of them. They didn't exactly cover this at St. Judes.

"Okay," She began to slide off the bed and stumble towards to the bathroom.

"Let me help you." Chuck placed a secure hand under arm to help guide her.

"I can do it!" Blair shook him off, then with much difficulty managed to make it into the bathroom.

"Here at least let me turn on the water and help you undress." Chuck commented as he followed close behind her.

"No. You've he-lped me undress enough tonight. That's partly why I'm in this mess, you." She yanked at her dress, and continued to fight it until Chuck helped her slide it over her head.

"I'm failing to see how this my fault. You're the one who got strung up on drugs." He helped her escape from the dress.

"Cause! I lost everything!" She wept as she pushed him away from her.

With aggression she unsnapped her bra and threw it to the floor.

"Fine. If it makes you get in the shower, its my fault."

Chuck left before she stripped out of the rest of her clothes, glad she finally stopped fighting him about it.

Better call his partner before it gets too late.

He pulled his phone from his jacket pocket and mashed in a quick number, whilst rummaging around the room for a first aid kit of any kind.

"Tripp, yeah, its me. I'm just gonna stay here for the night and leave for Chicago in the morning. I would rather that than-" Chuck stopped and listened to Tripp talk for a second, "Yeah, I did find a girl. Ha. You know me. Okay, thanks man. See you in a few days. Have a safe flight back."

He shut his phone and threw it to the side.

How was he supposed to come up with an excuse for there being blood on the comforter? It'd been years since anyone had made his life this interesting. For the longest time he'd been able to predict how his everyday would go. Just like how he thought he knew how today would go, only it train wrecked. Couldn't say he didn't like it though, he finally knew Blair was safe and alive. Life finally had some spice to it.

He did find a kit in the bottom drawer of the nightstand, allowing more relief to fill him.

His relief was suddenly stolen when he heard a crash in the bathroom.

"Blair?!" He yelled, throwing the kit onto the bed and rushing into the bathroom. He yanked the curtain back to see Blair sitting in the bottom of the tub and the shelf that had been holding shampoos, along with its contents, on her.

"I fell." She laughed.

"I see that. Are you okay?" He shed off her jacked and rolled up his sleeves; then began to pick up the mess from the bottom of the tub.

"No, but look," She shoved her arm in front of his face. "See its not as bad as you were saying! You big drama maker person."

"You ready to get out yet? Its been almost ten minutes. I need to see what I can do about your arm."

"Yeah." She answered sheepishly.

Chuck twisted the knob and the shower stopped as she began to stand back up.

"Hey Chuck," Her voice was soft and sweet.

"Yes Blair?" He answered handing her a towel to start drying off with.

"I don't have any clothes." She sounded like a child who had just done something wrong.

"Its okay. I found some in the room. Finish drying off and then come in the room.

After about five minutes she emerged from the bathroom, in only her lacy underwear set.

"The clothes are over there. Don't complain…its all we have." He was too busy digging through the first aid kit to look over at her.

She was so quiet about putting on the clothes he thought she might have passed out or something. Normally Blair would comment on how could force herself to if only for the time being and no one saw her outside of the room.

He was shocked when she sat down in front of him, in the sweat pants and T-shirt the hotel gave as gifts.

"Sorry, it's the only thing I could find." He took her arm to examine it closer.

It wasn't as bad as he thought, that was true. It was just about half a dozen or more nail lines trailing from her forearm to about two inches above her elbow.

"Its okay. They're comfortable." She added quietly.

Chuck gave her a sideways glance as he began to wrap her arm in gauze strips. "Comfort? I thought that was for ugly people."

"No. Its for smart people who know looks don't matter half as much as personality and heart." She was keeping a low voice.

"Blair answer me, and answer me truthfully, who did this to you?" He finished and then secured it in place with the metal fastens that came with the kit.

Blair turned her gaze up to him as if she was scared to say at first, "It was--Odette's father."

Shane? Shane seriously did this to her? He seemed like such a nice guy! Who would have known that drugs even effect small-town business owners just as much as they hit the big ones?

"Its not the first time," She continued, "and know I'm sure it wont be the last."

"You mean he has done it to you before?!" Chuck couldn't believe what he was hearing!

"At least he didn't beat me this time. All he did was call me names, give me the drugs, and---yeah." Her gaze fell back to the stained comforter.

"Blair!"

"Oh no! Shane! I need to get back to Shane and Odette!" Blair suddenly jumped up, took a second to catch her balance then started towards the door.

"You cant go back to him! You need to come home with me! This life isn't for you!" Chuck snatched her arm, halting her from leaving.

"I _have_ to go back to him. My daughter needs me, Chuck. While, I'm currently not the best condition…I need to go to them!" She pulled at her wrist trying to get it out of his grip.

"No, Blair! Leave Odette with him and come home!" Chuck's voice raised a few levels.

"I'm not leaving them Chuck, I'm sorry. Just leave and go back to your home." With that she got free of his grip and scampered out the door.

Leaving Chuck alone, fallen to his knees on the floor, "but its your home too, _Blair._"

* * *

All the guilt she had been feeling all night just multiplied the moment she was alone in the hall. She had screwed up way beyond epically and she knew it. Tripp knew where to find her now. Knew what things to say to make her his lifeless doll again.

After wiping away some stray tears from the corner of her eyes, she mashed the elevator button. She was just two floors up from her little girl and Shane.

She couldn't begin to thank God enough that Tripp hadn't even taken a second look at Odette. After all, it was just to painfully obvious that she was his.

Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime of her past sins being brought to the front of her mind she made it to the room she left Shane and Odette in.

Quietly, she pushed the door open to see them both sleeping soundly on the bed still.

Of course they didn't wake up. They could sleep through an earthquake.

Just as quietly she closed the door and tip-toed over to the empty side of the bed next to Odette. She gently pulled the covers back and slid under them.

She couldn't leave Shane and Odette. They were her life now. Despite how much effort is going to have to go into protecting them from her past now, they were still going to be her number ones. Nothing could change that.

* * *

_**Yay! Nay? What do you say? And yes, I have my charger! YAYS FOR THAT! I really hope you liked this one. All the confusion. Cant wait until it unravels. **_

_**RAWR**_


	9. For those blasters

This is not meant to be mean, though it may sound it

I told you all it was about to get darker. Every story needs a plot line to follow. Just simply because one chapter had lots of twists in it, doesnt mean I hate Blair and dont grasp her character.

I wrote this chapter and thought it out very much. If you so choose to stop reading it I wont be offended. I just wanted this story to have a thicker pot line than my other stories.

I'm not sorry you didnt like it, not every one can take in the situation I understand.

For those of you who wont read anymore, thanks for reading, for those will keep reading I hope you like te future chapters.

As for my religion, that is why I never go into horrid details and really has nothing to do with it.

Thank you.

RAWR


	10. Short Filler

_**Sorry it took so long to write, and I know its not that much. I just had to let you guys know I was still working on the story. I had so many other story ideas I had to write and all at once school attacked me, so I couldn't do anything. Thank you guys for waiting around! **_

_**RECAP:**_ _She couldn't leave Shane and Odette. They were her life now. Despite how much effort is going to have to go into protecting them from her past now, they were still going to be her number ones. Nothing could change that._

* * *

"Ella," Mali's voice wasn't the usual happy and carefree one. She sounded almost heart broken, and looked it to as she approached Blair's desk. "Shane says he needs to talk to you about something really important. Right now."

Oh crap! Maybe he finally found out what happened a month ago at the party! What if he fired her? What if he sent her packing to some other town where she would need to start over with Odette?

"Right." Blair forced a smile onto her face towards the blonde. "Is he in his office?"

Mali nodded in response then slid over to her own desk, looking just as solemn.

Before Blair lifted out of her chair, she took a deep calming breath. She continued to do so as she walked to Shane's office.

"You wanted to see me?" When she entered his office, Shane's back was to her. He was staring intently out the window that was his back wall, over the city.

"Yes, shut the door please." He hadn't turn to face her yet.

Swallowing down her fear, she did.

"Its been what a month since the show?" He asked, finally turning to her. Almost to the exact date really.

"Yes."

"I received a phone call this morning, from Mr. Bass." Blair held her breath. She would kill Chuck if he had told Shane!

"What did he want?" She found herself sitting in one of the caramel colored seats in front of Shane's desk.

"Guess." Shane had his poker face on and his tone was masking whatever emotion he was feeling.

"I don't know."

"He wants me to work for him!" A sudden smile erupted on his face, sending waves of relief crashing onto Blair.

"Really?" She matched his excitement.

"Yes! He wants me in New York in a week! Now I can really spoil Odette!" He'd crossed the room and engulfed her in a hug. 'You'll come with me right? We can take Odette sight seeing and everything!"

No. Not in a million years! She wanted to answer but Shane kept on talking.

"I couldn't go if you didn't! You're the reason I'm going! Mr. Bass said that you convinced him to use me for his new project when you told him all about the work we'd been doing!" Finally he finished.

Tell him no. Say you cant. You don't want Odette exposed to those things, "Of course." Blair said with a tight smile.

"Wonderful! Thank you so much, Ella!" He squeezed her in the hug even tighter.

He twirled her around a bit more, kissed her, then set her back down.

"I've just got to call Mr. Bass back. He was beginning to look for us an apartment." Shane took the few strides back to his desk, snatched up the phone and jammed in a number.

"Oh, okay. I just need to go and…do something." Blair kept her tight smile and faded back out of the office.

How on earth did this happen? She couldn't go back! Chuck was waiting for her there! Not only Chuck, but Nate too! Then again, it was Tripp as well! How did she find her downward spiral again?!

"Was everything okay?" Mali was waiting for Blair back at her desk.

"Yeah. He was just telling me that…" Blair couldn't lie to Mali, "He wants us to move to New York for a job offer he has gotten."

"New York?" Mali's mouth hung open.

"I know. I'm sorry its just-"

"I'm so happy for you!! Just remember about me no matter how rich you two get!" Mali laughed, her blonde bob curls bouncing up and down.

"I would never forget you!" She hugged Mali quickly.

When they pulled away both were threatening tears.

"Come with me to get Odette? You know how she loves you!" Blair wiped the corners of her eyes.

"Oh of course! I've gotta have full custody of her until you leave!" Mali laughed as she ran over to her desk to get her jacket.

"We'll have to see about that." Blair snatched her jacket off the back of her chair, linked arms with Mali; then they giggled all the way to the elevator.

***

"That's great news. I'll have a place ready for you whenever you arrive." Chuck hung up the phone and reclined back in his office chair.

So his plan to get Blair back to the city had worked. Now once they get here, he just needs to get her away from the drug-using-woman-abusing-mother-trucker Shane!

Of course, he was Chuck Bass, so that should be no problem.

Why on earth would Blair leave her loving adorning boyfriend (albeit was Nate, nonetheless he was smitten with her once more), just to run to that kind of waste of air?

Maybe she had a mental breakdown. Maybe at that point, Shane offered her drugs to clear her mind of awful things. Maybe that was also when he got her pregnant.

It must've been late into the pregnancy that Blair found out she was pregnant and then at that point, Blair couldn't leave her baby! She couldn't raise it alone either! So she must've agreed to stay with Shane, just for the safe keeping of her baby.

The scenarios in Chuck's mind went on and on. No matter what in the ending, Shane was the bad guy and Blair had just fallen into his trap. And no matter what, Chuck was going to save her from it. Even if she ended up hating him, he HAD to help her.

_Who was the screwed up one again?_

* * *

_**Sorry, that's all for now. I don't know when the next update will be and I wont be mean by promising it'll be soon when I don't know if it will be. Just hang around! RAWR**_


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